Domestic Violence is Never Okay

If you are in immediate danger, CALL 911. If you need help urgently but are not in immediate danger, call Option House, Inc. at 909-381-3471.

We understand that it’s not always safe for you to be here. You may need a quick change to make sure that whoever walks in the room doesn’t see what you’re reading and hurt you. WE WANT YOU TO BE OKAY. With that in mind, peppered throughout this page you’ll find reminder buttons like the “Leave Quick!” one below, and all the featured images on this page are clickable. Each button or image will take you to a completely innocent link, totally unrelated to domestic violence and resources for those looking to escape. And hopefully, the things we’re linking you to can make you smile in the darkness, teach you something, and remind you that you matter to people. Be cautious, stay safe, and leave us if you need to. We totally get it.

Need a safe page?

What Is Domestic Violence?

Many people have difficulty recognizing domestic violence if there is no physical abuse, or if the people involved aren’t married. However, domestic violence can happen to anyone, at any time! Domestic violence applies to any relationship where a pattern of behavior is used as a method for gaining or keeping power and control over another intimate partner.

These behaviors can include restricting financial assets, preventing the partner from seeing friends and family, coercion with basic needs being met as a reward for desired behavior in the partner, physical violence including sexual violence, threats… anything that can be used as a way to intimidate, isolate, injure, manipulate.

Again, it can happen to anyone. Gay, straight, poly, trans, black, white; any person from any educational, economic, and social background, of any ethnicity, age, and gender. It can and does happen to people like you. You are absolutely not to blame for what has happened to you and while feelings of shame are common, there is no shame in having survived abuse or in getting help to get out.

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

Need a safe page?

Safety Planning

No matter who you are, if you are ready to leave or if you are not, you deserve to be as safe as possible in the presence of the abusive partner in your life. Following the list below can help.

  • Know the red flag cues
    Once you see your partner showing red flags you know lead to violence or explosions of anger, start finding plausible excuses to leave their presence or get out of the home completely, like going to the bathroom or getting groceries.
  • Have safe spaces at home
    Make sure if you can’t leave, you know where is safest in your home: avoid places that are tight and enclosed or only have one exit (bathrooms), or that you know have potential weapons like hammers or knives (kitchens, garages)
  • Have code words
    Just like parents and kids should have code words to make sure they are picked up from school safely in case of an emergency, people in domestic violence situations should have code words with friends, outside family, neighbors, and children to communicate that they are in danger and need to leave immediately or contact the police
  • Memorize phone numbers so that should your abuser take your phone, you can still use a public phone and reach out for help.
  • Have an alternate cell phone In some instances, an abuser may put tracking or keylogging software on your main phone to keep tabs on you and have your passwords, or try to track you through the phone numbers you’ve called on the billing call log. There are many vendors who can sell you a prepaid cellular phone so that you can contact people even if your abuser takes your main phone.
  • Make a spare set of car keys if you drive and have a vehicle in your name so that if your abuser takes your main set of keys you can still use your vehicle. Leave these with a safe friend, along with some spare cash, spare medications, and copies of important paperwork (if necessary, on a USB drive) so that you can leave quickly and not worry about your abuser finding these items.

Need a safe page?

Reach out for help

Even if it’s not the time that you’re planning on leaving, keep as many outside activities as your partner will allow you to. This will help you have a network of people you can reach out to when you finally feel that you can or must leaveBE NICE TO YOURSELF
There are so many just like you, and unfortunately many like your abuser. The abuse is not your fault! Choosing to stay may be the best option at the moment. Remember to think kindly of yourself, especially on days when you are being blamed for anything and everything in the relationship. You are worthy of respect and love, especially from yourself! YOU MATTER!